Just Add Gelatin

Let's reduce!

Sun, 05 May 2013 22:33:00 -0400

I finally bit the bullet and made a ‘diet’ jello recipe. I really wish I hadn’t.

The recipe comes from a book published in 1942 simply called Reducing. It’s published by Knox brand, so every recipe has jello. Apparently you can just add a packet of jelly to anything and you’re suddenly skinny! It’s all the protein. Early Atkins diet?

And who says diet food can’t be tasty? Certainly not Knox! That’s how I found my new go to weight loss meal, Prune Salad.

I know, I know, salads are soooooo boring on a diet! Well you’re in luck because this one has absolutely no right to call itself salad!

Just soak in those ingredients. Think about savoring them. Prunes, cottage cheese, chili sauce, pickles, and jello. I’m gagging already. Now, in their defense, the recipe called for ‘chopped pickle’ which I assume is that gross fake Indian crap old people and English people like. But I wasn’t about to go searching, and both are gross, so oh well. Chili sauce was a real curve ball as well. I didn’t know they had chilis in the 40s.

So anyway you make the jello and chill it a little. While you wait for that sweet, sweet, jiggly goodness you can prepare the rest.

Poop. On so many levels.

Everything all ready. Betchya haven’t seen pickles and prunes together before. Also that’s salt in the corner, sadly not msg. I guess people didn’t worry about sodium back then. Or powdered horse hoof.

Mmmmmmmmixed all up and ready to rock. Just look at those bubbles. Healthy salads have bubbles.

Put that hot mess into the fridge for as long as you want, and serve on greens.

Anticipation! Don’t worry, that lettuce was pretty wilted, we did not waste good food on this salad. Well, except the prunes

Finished in all it’s glory. Look at how big the bubbles got!

The tasting was interesting. I couldn’t even swallow it. The chili mixed with prune was about the grossest thing I’ve ever had. Not to mention the pickles, which were gross but totally over powered. I would rate this one not only the worst recipe so far, but the worst thing I’ve ever eaten.

The strange part was that Stu actually kind of liked it. He had more than one of his obligatory spoonfuls. He liked the salt and said it was better than any of the fish loaves. His opinion is wrong.

On the bright side, I think I’ve found a diet I can stick to. I don’t think I could ever be hungry enough to hork this down.

Crappy Easter!

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 22:57:00 -0400

I know I promised some diet recipes, but things got busy and I couldn’t eat that healthy. But rest assured, they’re coming.

In the meantime I thought I would share with you an Easter delight! It’s not from the 50s, it’s a recipe I came up with. And it did not work.

First you get some jello and some peeps. Then you mix them together.

The problem is that they don’t want to be mixed together. The sugar bubbles and the peeps try to bob their way out of a horrible jelled death.

Mmmm bubbly

That’s what the peeps look like when they ultimately pop themselves out of the jello mixture. Who wouldn’t want to eat this sticky yellow loogie?!

So these are the few that stayed in tact. Only two retained their peeps, the rest just have yellow peep holes.

LOGO! I’m sorry I made a inedible jello. What a waste.

The only peep to remain encased. The brown dot is his eye. And he looks more like Winston Churchill than a peep.

So, he got eaten

Poor guy, sliced down the middle. And all that yellow crust in front!

It tasted pretty gross, as expected. Nothing but sugar and super sticky marshed mallow. I definitely don’t recommend making it a tradition. But, in the spirit of the holiday, I ate for your sins.

Photo

Fri, 22 Mar 2013 19:45:27 -0400

Sneak Preview

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 18:59:00 -0400

“Gelatine is very useful as a protein supplement in the restricted reducing dietary. It is all body building protein which will spare essential body tissues. It contains seven of the ten ‘essential’ amino acids and a majority of the 23 accepted amino acids.”

Get ready for the jello diet. It’s time to body build with protein dietary.

You're the Winner!

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 00:07:00 -0500

Alright, interest seems to have dried up so I’m going to reveal the dramatic results of Guess The Gross 2013.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand you were all wrong! It was an American classic. A delicacy you might even say.

Molded Macaroni and Cheese! And what a wonderful take on the old classic. I highly suggest next time you make some comfort food you toss in some pimento, mayo (or salad dressing, it’s your call, I don’t judge), and of course some Knox brand gelatine!

So sorry, no 1000 hugs or slaps for anyone. But maybe next time I see you I’ll give you one of each.

It's a Secret to Everyone

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 00:42:00 -0500

My many fans (Hi Pauline!!) have been asking for an update. Then I remembered that I actually went through all the work of making a disgusting recipe around Christmas time. My aunt Kathy (Hi Kathy!!) sent me some amazing authentic molds and I wanted to use them. But, I also wanted to use my new iPhone. So I shot the whole thing with my phone (which turned out better than expected) and then forgot the whole thing when it went in to the wrong folder. NOW I don’t have anything hilarious to say about the individual steps, because I don’t have any recollection of doing this.

So, I thought I would do something new. YOU tell ME what’s going on in these photos. Anyone who can guess either all of the correct ingredients or the correct recipe name wins 1000 hugs (or 1000 slaps, your choice). Even the strangers who follow! But remember, more than anything, hilarity wins.

So here goes, two of the most beautiful photos ever:

(I tried to make a gingerbread/nasty food man, it was Christmas time!)

So have your way with them, my friends (but lets face it, mostly family)!

MSG Me!

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 00:55:02 -0500

Title: Just Add Gelatin

In a world of plastic beauty and paleo/vegan/locally sourced organ diets why not celebrate the outdated, unhealthy, and disgusting food our parents grew up on? Also, hipsters love old timey shit.

MSG me!

Everyone's favorite: Prunes!

Sat, 10 Nov 2012 23:04:45 -0500

Hi all! I know I’ve been bad about the updating lately. A week home + interviews for jobs that might actually pay me means I haven’t been concentrating on Jello housewifery. Sorry.

I think I can make it up to you with my last recipe. It was hands down the worst thing I have ever tasted. It’s Prune Whip! I found the recipe in an awesome book from my favorite local weirdo store:

It is the perfect old people food. Soft and pruney. Great for the digestive tract.

Pretty simple, really. First you dissolve the gelatine in cold water.

Then you add HOT PRUNE JUICE and lemon and some other stuff. I wonder if there’s anyone out there that drinks hot prune juice all the time? I sure hope not.

Microwave the shit out of that juice! Now you are supposed to add prune pulp. This is where I got lost. There was no pulp in the juice, so what the shit is prune pulp? I even tried to make my own with prunes and cheesecloth

Makes you hungry, right? Everything about prunes is beautiful.

Anyway that wasn’t working and was way too much work for some nasty jello food. So I just chopped up some regular ass prunes.

Yum yum yum.

Then you chill to the consistency of beaten egg whites. Which is a crazy coincidence, because then you stir in actual beaten egg whites!

(That is the whip part for those of you that are really stupid).

Then pour the mixture into your fanciest mold and let chill until firm.

Who wouldn’t love that!

Unmold, or as the book suggests, spoon into sherbet glasses. I don’t know what sherbet glasses are (although I can take a wild guess), and I know that I certainly don’t have them. So I went the boring old unmold route. And it was nasty.

These photos are not doctored. I don’t know how to doctor. This was actually that shiny and bubbly. And prune chunky.

The next step is to sprinkle with generic nuts and enjoy enjoy enjoy. I didn’t want to waste good nuts so I just used a few.

We tried to eat it, but honestly it was horrible. Prunes mixed with eggs is pretty much all it was. Raw eggs. It probably wasn’t even safe! I’m suing the writers of Gel Cookery!

It looked and tasted exactly like red wine vomit. Bubbly red wine vomit. Is there a red champagne? Like that vomit.

When it became clear that we couldn’t stomach even a spoonful, we had to get rid of it the only way we knew how. There was supposed to be a video here but I can’t figure out how to attach it. It will be it’s own special post.

And that is my triumphant return. I don’t know what to make next. Suggestions are welcome.

Refreshing Summer Sandwiches

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 00:28:53 -0400

It has been hot here (and everywhere in the US). So hot it puts the ‘ho’ in hot. So I haven’t felt like cooking, or doing anything really. This exact situation is where Jell-O is a viking! So I searched through my disgusting old books and found the most refreshing, no-bake recipe I could. Which, unfortunately, turned out to be Jell-O’s herb-glazed sandwiches. According to The Joys of Jell-O Your luncheon or tea sandwiches stay fresh and flavorful under a glaze. And how!

The ingredients are much the same as all the other recipes, only this time with Classic White Wonder bread, and some fancy spices.

So, first you make the Jell-O. Only this time it’s not like all the other times! You also boil the water and powder with some black peppercorns, cayenne, a bay leaf, and a butt-load of dill.

Then you drain out all the chunks and chill the Jell-O for about an hour, or until it’s ‘syrupy’.

While you wait for the cow hooves to congeal you make sandwiches of your choice. The book suggests such delights as wheat bread topped with hard boiled eggs and shrimp, but I decided to go with a delicious tuna salad on Wonder Bread. It just seemed fitting.

You can say you’re nutritious all you want, but I’m not buying it!

My first ever Bumblebee Tuna. It was actually decent. Before I glazed it anyway…

Now that is some fine sandwich makin’ if I do say so myself!

After about an hour you slop the Jell-O over the sandwiches, and put them back in the fridge until fully set. You can get so much done while cooking with gelatin! Or you can watch Real Housewives marathons back to back! Guess which one I did!

I didn’t have the right pan (dish?) for this, as I’m sure all of you do, so I had to resort to using some small baking sheets we had for thin crust pizzas. I know it’s unforgivable, but my heart was in the right place.

I think my sambos were a little too big.

Deeee-licious! I never want to eat an un-glazed sandwich again!

Just kidding, it was nasty! The Jell-O was spicy AND sweet, with that awful saccharin taste lemon Jell-O has. My husband, Stu, actually liked it the best of all my attempts so far, though. He thought the spice over powered the horribleness of the Jell-O and tuna, and made it tolerable enough to eat. He actually ate an entire sandwich. Ish. As for “fresh and flavorful” these sandwiches really just stayed cold and inhale-able.

This recipe really ended up being a disappointment, in that it really wasn’t that gross. The worst part is that it made my fridge all sticky. Other than that it was just bland, white, suburban 50s food. It’s the first time I could kind of understand that people really ate this crap willingly, and that is terrifying. I think I have had too much! I will eat anything now! Soon I will eat nothing but gelled foods; bland things I can gum down.

Glistening. Make everything I eat glisten from now on!

We are leaving this week for the West Coast (not the best coast) and will be gone for almost 2 weeks. I wouldn’t expect any updates, but maybe there will be an impromptu cook-off? And I’m really looking forward to new thrift store cookbooks! Also, I have something already lined up for our triumphant return.

See you in August!

Just Like They Make in Naples

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 21:54:26 -0400

Well, once again I haven’t cooked any wasteful Jell-O dishes in a while. No excuses really, I’ve just been busy dealing with physical therapy and spending too much at Target. But then I saw I had all sorts of new followers (hi!) and figured I should give the people what they want.

This recipe once again comes from “The Joys of Jell-O.” It is called Neapolitan Salad, and the delicious, healthy summer ingredients were too much to resist!

Salty lemon Jell-O. Yumm. And that is a full pound of each delicious canned veggie, corn, carrots, and lima beans. The recipe said you could substitute canned tomatoes for the corn, but I didn’t see how that could be any better (or worse).

Making it was really pretty easy, you just layer everything up and cover it with Jell-O. You start with the olives. Obviously garlic stuffed are a little zany for the 60s, but they were all I had.

Then comes the corn! Oh that sweet, sweet, corn.

Love that mushy canned corn smell.

Then you toss in the mushy canned carrots

It’s a little hard to see since the carrots are the same color as the mold, but I’m sure your mouths are watering anyway.

Then comes the pièce de résistance: one full pound of canned lima beans! Or one full pound of earwax!

Next you pour in the lemon Jell-O (plus 2 tbsp of salt)

Now THAT is what I look for in a salad!

After that you just shove it in the fridge and anxiously wait for it to gel. And 24 agonizing hours later, BANG you got yerself a salad!

Each layer tastier than the last!

We cut it down the middle to eat it, just to get each amazing canned flavor in each bite.

This recipe marks a first for Just Add Gelatin, people that I’m not married to tried the food! Well, one person I’m not married to tried the food, while two others looked on in horror that we’d put this anywhere near our mouths. And they were right! It was gross and salty, not to mention I hate lima beans and carrots.

And why the lemon Jell-O?!? The fake sweetener tasted so horrible with the salt, I had to spit mine into the garbage disposal.

My husband was out of town when the tasting/gagging took place, so I decided to save him the leftovers.

Nothing like a 5 day old liquefying pile of garbage after a long week away. I’m such a good wife.

You could probably call it a comeback...If you really wanted to.

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 20:29:44 -0400

So, I realize I haven’t updated in what the 14 year old inside of me wants to call a grip, but I’ve been recovering from a kind of gross foot surgery and haven’t felt like standing. Normally I don’t feel like standing at all, but it’s much harder when you have bad balance and one foot. I did spend some of the time going through the ‘grip’ of books (I’m learning old slang!) I bought on amazon and marking them for preparation. Also, I could ask my husband Stu to do the cooking but I have control issues and that would never do.

So I am back thanks to the constant hassling of my lovely cousin Pauline! And, as I am a top heavy woman, this is a photo heavy post. So sit back, relax your gag reflex, and lets look at some ham!

Today we have a Polynesian Salad. I am not sure of the publication date. A lot of these old cookbooks don’t have them, I assume they came with an appliance or something? They also don’t have ISBNs most of the time. Anyway it’s called the Joys of Jell-O, from sometime in the 60s I think.

This book would be really good for someone actually wanting to learn about Jell-O. I learned a lot about how to remove molds and stack them, and really just be a better woman.

Stu picked this recipe. I would never make something with so many ingredients. Because I hate cooking. Not a joke. Here they all are!

Just like how they like in Polynesia. Orange Jell-O and soy sauce.

So you make a little tiny bit of rice and then dry it out (?) for awhile. Like sushi, but…not like sushi.

Canned ham is my new favorite photo subject. And my least favorite thing to eat. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO SALTY?!!

So you mash up all those polynesian ingredients while wearing your muu muu and listening to Herb Alpert and the Tiajuana Brass and begin!

Then you add another of my least favorite ingredients…WATER CHESTNUTS! Oh this is going to be delicious!

Add celery and mayo, and you got yerself a nice little salad going!

So, here is where my camera starts to fail me. My fanciest Jell-O mold is copper (real copper, but I’m not bragging. Probably not telling the truth either.) The jello is orange, so some of the photos are blinding as well as hard to see and disgusting. You’ve been warned.

Here’s the first layer of gelatin, cuz we’re about to get fancy up in here

Then you add the pineapple. They didn’t tell you how to do it, so I came up with my own design.

CHECK THAT OUT BITCHES. Now that’s attractive. And aaaaall me! BAM.

Then you toss some jello into the salad and mix it all up. Yummers.

I never thought of using it as a sauce!

Then layer it all up and let it crust overnight

Gotta love the crunchy bits.

Now, this was probably not the correct mold to use, but I am still learning

I did learn how to get the “salad” out in one piece though, so TADA

Layery loaf!

Since it was a Friday night we decided to pair it with our local wine shop’s cheapest bottle and have a feast

We just drank the wine instead. Saving calories…

This was so scandalizing I can’t even describe it. Soy sauce and Jello? RICE VINEGAR?! It’s like whoever wrote the book just looked at their shelf and wrote everything down. And I made it like a chump.

Coming next, something involving cheese. That’s right, that exists.

Tuna 2: Electric Tuna Poop

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 03:18:49 -0500

Since Tuna Mousse turned out sooooooo delicious I decided to make something comparable from Sunday Night Suppers (I’m getting more books soon, I swear) only with a Hawaiian flair! These tuna gelatin things seem to be super popular back then, but something must’ve changed after the Bay of Pigs that changed America’s palate.

This photo was my aspiration. I think you’ll agree later on that I did a pretty spot-on job.

It’s a delight!

It was super complicated to make. I had no idea how much work Jell-O could be.

MSG, mayo, AND two different kinds of gelatin? It’s gotta be good.

The top layer is lime Jell-O with celery, cucumber, and a can of pineapple. The recipe said to separate the “sirup” from the pineapple and combine with water until it was a half cup of liquid. I do what I’m told with these recipes, so I did, but the liquid ended up being exactly half a cup, and you just mix them back together in the end. 50s pineapple must have been dry.

Unnecessary!! I have things to do! Damn!

Now things might get kind of confusing. There was a lot going on at once for this loaf of barf. But, you make the lime jello and chill it for awhile, because you can’t just chuck pineapple in jello, you have to do it at EXACTLY THE RIGHT TIME. Duh.

This is not the color of something people should consume

And this is not the texture of something people should consume (it’s plain gelatin)

So while you wait for the green horse hooves to cool you have to double boil all the eggs and evaporated milk and juices and whatever else goes in there all at once, and make sure the eggs don’t burn. We don’t have a double boiler, so maybe that was my downfall, but I think I managed to do it right.

After you’re done making a horrible mess of your kitchen and every dish in it, the lime jello is ready to mix in the veggies and fruits!

Aaaaaaand back in the fridge.

Now, back to the beige layer. After everything comes out of the double boiler you mix in 2 cups of mayo (of course) and 2 egg whites. Then it looks like this and really makes you want to lose weight.

Ugh. All the separation and creaminess makes me sick to my stomach.

That’s pretty much it for the ‘salad.’ Once they are both EXACTLY THE SAME CONSISTENCY you pile this one on top of the other and let them sit over night.

Now, to make it look just like the photo, I made the tiny pineapples! I like food shaped like other food, so I was pretty stoked. Plus, they sounded edible, just roll up some cream cheese, slap some olives on them, and make tops out of celery.

Beautiful! Obviously pineapples. They look exactly like them. No one would even have to question it.

Check out this presentation! It’s like, exactly like the photo in the book. Only better, if I say so myself.

Unfortunately tiny pineapples and perfect layers of tuna, mayo, and lime, are just as nasty as Tuna Mousse. I have no idea how people ate this, or why there is more than one recipe like this.

This is what it looked like a few hours later. And probably how it looks in your stomach.

Yum.

This is my least favorite so far. I do not believe in fruit and fish together, and it was a major buttload of work. In the tuna jello loaf race, Tuna Mousse is miles ahead.

Sneak Preview.

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 22:04:41 -0500

Sneak Preview.

Last night I made another recipe from Sunday Night Suppers. The surprising part was that it was...

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 19:03:00 -0500

Last night I made another recipe from Sunday Night Suppers. The surprising part was that it was delicious!!

This recipe is Sky-High Braunschweiger Towers. I have been meaning to make it since I got the book, but every time we have Braunschweiger in the house I eat it all before I can make anything out of it. I love liverwurst. Sometimes I even dream about it.

The book says “It’s handsome, it’s delicious, it’s easy!” I love a handsome meal, so I was all over this like an STD on Snooki.

I forgot to include the obligatory stick of butter in this picture, but believe me, it’s there in spirit.

This meal is so healthy. The first step is to shape the liverwurst into patties, then spread mustard on and wrap in raw bacon.

Handsome!

Then you top them with onions, tomatoes, and mushrooms. All buttered first, of course.

That is a sky high food tower!

Then you bake the crap out them until the bacon tastes and looks like rubber and there is grease everywhere.

Each meatmound is served open faced on a bun with a tablespoon of butter and a tablespoon of horseradish.

I LOVED these burgers, but they are so, so bad for you. The bacon was pretty nasty and rubbery, but it was easy to peel off.

Stu, on the other hand, said he’d rather eat his own butthole, because at least there’s Thai food in there. I don’t know if this marriage is going to work.

But, he washed it down with some of nature’s palate cleanser, I ate his leftovers, and all was forgiven.

Stay tuned for more jello molds, and fun with cottage cheese!

Cheesy Puddin Eggs

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:04:10 -0500

This week we revisit Sunday Night Suppers and make Eggs Mornay. Stu’s been begging me to make this because he had an egg craving. Well boy did he regret that.

It doesn’t include gelatin, but as far as I can tell Mornay sauce is pretty old timey, and also a major ingredient in a sandwich called a ‘Hot Brown’ so it’s gotta be good!

The cooking was pretty involved.

But, of course, like any vintage recipe worth it’s weight, it has a cup of butter AND a cup of cream. Makes my heart soft just thinking about it.

So you boil up some eggs and make some of the worlds worst deviled eggs.

That’s egg yolks, onion, lemon, and the main ingredient: canned crab. I had never had canned crab before. And I never will again. It smells like England and has some kind of weird wet paper stuck all over it. Not to mention the god awful taste.

Then you make the Mornay sauce, pretty much just cream, butter, and cheese.

Then you add the cheese

The sauce was pretty delicious really.

So in the book the idea is that you put this in a chafing dish and then eat it all evening in your suit and poofy dress with your 2.4 children for a ‘glamorous and sophisticated affair.’ Well we don’t have a chafing dish, so I chucked that shit in a fake crystal bowl and piled the eggs on top in a pleasing manner.

I am totally nailing this whole presentation thing.

Then I slopped that shit onto some english muffins with a plastic spoon and BANG! GLAMOROUS AND SOPHISTICATED!

This was horrible. The crab smell overpowered anything good about the sauce. Crab, onion, boiled egg, and cheese should never be mixed together. Let that be a lesson to you all. I do this for you.

HORF

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:24:26 -0500

For this lovely recipe we are revisiting the first cookbook, Better Homes and Gardens: Barbecues and Picnics. My foot has been acting up (for those who don’t know I broke my foot doing something awesome like parkour, not falling down the stairs) so I decided to make something that required very little standing. Which led me to Tomato Salad Mold. Yum.

It was definitely easy. Hardly any ingredients at all.

But if you look closely, yes, that is lemon Jell-O. It smells just like the sugar free lollipops kids get at the doctor, and looks like a bowl of pee!

Dee-licious.

So pretty much you just mix up the Jell-O and then add tomato soup. I was pretty stoked to try out my first Jell-O mold.

Then, as with most recipes from the 50s, you let that shit gel overnight. The food of the future is so easy! But, either I am a bad housewife or I should’ve greased up the pan, and my presentation is all off.

I would definitely be grounded if it was the 50s.

You would think something with so few ingredients would be relatively harmless. Well, you would be grotesquely surprised! Not only does this have no right to call itself salad, it is probably the nastiest thing I have ever eaten. Something about the fake sugars mixing with the vinegar and tomatoes created the world’s most disgusting food. I would rather eat Tuna Mousse every day til I die than ever eat this again. Even Stu couldn’t stomach a spoonful, and I have seen him eat a chunk of animal fat without gagging.

I tried to get a picture of it looking gross in the sink, but it glugged down the garbage disposal faster than I could capture. Jell-O is some nasty food.

A little preview

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 18:50:39 -0500

A little preview

Thanks to Ben Harris at Sharp Creative for the kick ass logo! I can’t wait to update...

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 22:35:38 -0500

Thanks to Ben Harris at Sharp Creative for the kick ass logo! I can’t wait to update more!

http://mysharpcreative.com/

Uh Oh Noodle Frankfurter Casserole-ios!

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:10:00 -0500

Today’s meal comes to us from Sunday Night Suppers, first published in 1956. It is considered a ‘chafing dish’ cookbook, which really means nothing, since most of the recipes are casseroles and bread.

This was one of the more labor intensive dished I’ve ever cooked. And it had a lot of ingredients, including msg.

Yes, that is equal parts butter and cheese. MMmm!

The main ingredient in this dish is noodles. I used egg noodles, because the recipe book describes noodles as “noodles. Use spaghetti if you do not have noodles.” Thanks for the tip, olden times! So I guessed. The one thing they did specify is that after you cook your 4 cups of noodles, you add a whole stick of butter to that bitch.

Then, with the other stick of butter, you fry up the hotdogs.

Sorry, I meant frankfurters, not hotdogs. I’m pretty sure the point of all this butter is to not have to chew your food. It’s better not to taste it, and just let the oil help it slide down your gullet.

Then you add some canned tomato soup. It’s as simple as that.

Then you chuck in some black olives, some salt, and some msg. Layer in a 2 quart casserole dish. I call this layer the ‘child’s barf’ layer. Mmmm.

After this you add a brick of shredded cheese, and then the noodles. Which seemed backwards to me, but what do I know?

You can practically smell the blandness!

Beautiful. Look at that presentation. I’d give it a 5 on Iron Chef for sure.

The special 4th layer is the grease!

Garnish with parsley and serve.

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

This recipe was nowhere near as bad as tuna mousse. While it had msg, you couldn’t taste it, and I’m really not sure it added anything. I think you use 1/4 tsp for this whole pile of slop.

After all this boiling and frying and furtering what you end up with is a massive amount of home-made Spaghettios with hotdogs. Seriously, this dish ends up tasting canned, and I think that is the draw, or was. I can’t see the point in spending time to cook your own Spaghettios.

With all the butter and cheese in this Paula Deen should make it for her show. I calculated the calories on a diet website. Per serving (of which there are six) there are about 1,000 calories, or half of the RDA for the average woman. Tasty. It’s surprising with recipes like these that Americans are only just beginning to be so overweight.

The good news is that it didn’t go to waste. Stu really liked it, and ate it for every meal for 2 or 3 days. Why doesn’t he ever get fat??

Number 1 (or 2)

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 14:12:35 -0500

I love cookbooks from the 50s and 60s, but my collection was getting out of control. And, although I strongly disagree with this rule, there is a limit of two disgusting food pictures per room in my house. So, I decided to start putting my money (if you want to pay me) where my mouth is and actually eat some of this crap.

I decided to start with the most disgusting recipe I could find, Tuna Mousse. Originally published in Better Homes and Gardens Barbecues and Picnics, circa 1963. Here is their lovely photo:

I know, it’s a lot to live up to.

The ingredients:

Some of the ingredients had to be improvised. Onion juice?? Who has onion juice?! And trying to juice an onion really hurts your hands. So I just chopped up some onion and tossed it in there. I mean, it’s tuna mousse, right?

Mmmmmm. There’s everything all ready to be thrown into the gelatin. I bet you’re getting hungry right now!

This is what hot gelatin and a cup of mayo look like together. Yum!

All together in it’s lovely dish

Then you slap that shit in the fridge overnight, and BAM! TUNA MOUSSE! Clean, easy cooking.

Who could resist this lovely loaf on a hot summer night?

This was the most we were able to choke down. Well, sort of. I spit mine out. Good thing no one in the house had a hangover.

So, why doesn’t mine look like the photo in the book? It can’t just be the onion juice, right? Does tuna weigh more in the future, because it sunk straight to the bottom of the loaf immediately. And why is it so thin? And why would anyone eat this, ever? Did they? Did people really sit around in their big puffy dresses and eat fish filled jello loaves “hobo style” in their back yards? I’m glad I’m not from the 50s.

You may have noticed that in the ingredients picture there is whipping cream. The recipe calls for 1 cup, whipped. But then it is never mentioned again, and it’s not in the photo. Maybe not having whipped cream on the loaf is the problem. Maybe it’s a dessert! Anyway, I can’t imagine that whipped cream would help anything that tastes like a melting cat food ice cube.

My ratings:

5 stars for ease. It was even kind of fun to make, if it hadn’t smelled so bad. Tossing everything in a bowl of jello and waiting is my kind of cooking.

1000 stars for nastiness. I think that’s self explanatory.

And 5 stars for confusion. Is this recipe for real? I’m pretty sure Don Draper wouldn’t put up with it.